Like the DJ Deadmau5 our anonymous big agency insider operates in a mask, and is back this month, sneaking this out to the Rockstar CMO penthouse, while presumably, the creative team was sleeping off a long, self-congratulatory lunch…


Well, who would have guessed (apart from Bill Gates) that the world would be shut up at home for a month or three because of an invisible enemy?

Who would also have guessed that this forced isolation would also signal the demise (not soon enough in my book) of the Chief Creative Officer?

Probably not even Bill Gates.

One of the most interesting, and fun things, to come out of this stay-at-home exercise has to be the rise and rise of the innovative, often educational, and addictive user-generated content (UGC). The TV is awash with ads from a variety of companies showing their employees at home, shot on an iPhone or laptop, then spliced together to deliver a message to the captive audience.

It’s grainy, quirky, definitely not perfect, but so so so much more believable. You feel you know these people and tend to develop a closer affinity with the products. So, if ‘normal’ people can develop great content, remind me why do we need to have a highly paid creative officer?

I’m sure there are a bunch of…well probably creative directors and leaders…that will argue the need for them, justifying that need in the same way the character Miranda from The Devil Wears Prada does by justifying the need for fashion magazines by informing her assistant that her sweater is not blue “…It’s not lapis. It’s actually cerulean.” Then goes on to say “…in fact, you’re wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room from a pile of stuff.”

Well the thing is, the creative output that ends up on a TV screen does not set a fashion trend, or in any way add anything to humanity! In fact, the creative output is produced with almost only one thing on the minds of the creative team…’maybe this one will win me an award’!

The creative agency world seems to be a club of self-congratulatory, self-obsessed, egoists whose only ambition is to compare their proverbial schlongs (I use this word because the creative industry also seems to be somewhat Y-chromosome heavy) with each other, to see who’s got the biggest.

When hiring they actively seek the person that has won a few Schlong awards and they even attend high multi-million-dollar coke-fests, I mean schlong award ceremonies where they each try to out-schlong each other! Who gives a shit!!!

Most people do not admire the complexity in thought about an ad. They do not try to rationalise the choice of colours and hues; they do not hang on a brands every word looking for a deeper meaning in to their own existence. It’s a fucking advert. It’ll be forgotten in a few seconds as (previously scribed) we are bombarded by so many.

I wonder whether the agency creative officers see themselves as the modern Van Gogh’s. You’re not. You are simply older people with crayons and ideas and it’s time you produced work that was more genuine, real and honest.

One thing this crisis should be teaching us all is that we don’t need a big car or an expensive watch to exist, to be someone. We just need to look out for each other and the planet we live on.

What we need to get by is food and friendship. Yes we will hanker for a nice TV or even a nice camera, but it doesn’t have to be one that tells the world I’m a wealthy fucker and you’re not.

I think, no I hope, that the world is going to change and consumerism will become a thing of the past. If this is the case, it will be honest advertising that we will need…

You can all put your schlongs away now!


Image credit: Mariya Georgieva on Unsplash

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